I have been there countless times, safe in my own home, when I let my guard down and I say something I shouldn’t, do something I shouldn’t, think something I shouldn’t.  But I think, “I am fine, no one saw me.”

Then I turn around, and see one of my kids watching me.

Oops…

Hopefully I am not the only one that has done that. If I am the only one, then I will be writing this just for myself. But if I am not the only one, then keep reading.

Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Based on that measuring stick, I fail all the time.  My words and deeds are not always on point with the verse in Colossians, especially when I am at home. It’s kind of scary to think about how my words and deeds differ when I am out in public and when I am at home. I would love to think that that I am same person all the time, but if I am being honest, that isn’t the case. My family sees the real me, especially my kids.

As a parent, I try to do the best I can, but upon reflection, I am different at home. It is not as though as soon as I step through the door at home that I become a terrible parent. However, I do think my patience is just a little bit shorter, my tone is a bit harder, and my temperament is not as forgiving.

But why is that?

Have I not given my mind and body over to Him fully?

In Romans 12:1-2 it says, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Or maybe I don’t see my mind and actions as a spiritual battleground.

Ephesians 6:12 states, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Maybe it is a bit of both.

I am guilty of being selfish, of putting my own needs over others. I have negative thoughts that, in and of themselves, are not sinful, but I dwell in those thoughts. There are times that I don’t protect my mind as the battlefield that it is. These things come out at home and even when I think that I am safe and no one saw me–someone does–and it wasn’t just my kids.

God sees all things.

In Jeremiah 23:24 it says, “‘Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do I not fill heaven and earth?’ declares the Lord.”

The reality is that even though my kids see who I am when I think no one is watching, God sees me when there is actually no one watching. When I sit down and let that sink in, I realize that my carefully crafted facade doesn’t mean a thing to God. He sees all things, knows all things, and understands all things.

Where do I go from here?

Fortunately for me and for you, God sent Jesus for all people. No need to look up the definition for “all”—whatever it means, it includes you and me. I can present my brokenness to Jesus and know that he will forgive me. With His help, I can start to close the gap between who I am in public and who I am at home.

It is only through His healing that I can become a Godly person, especially when no one is watching…except my kids.